Let's talk about the one thing I could go on and on forever about - Boundaries! Ya know, those tiny invisible fences that keep your peace intact, your energy protected, and your sanity from packing its bags and heading for the hills. If you’ve ever felt like people treat you like an all-you-can-eat emotional buffet, or are left feeling empty and unsatisfied in any type of relationship, it might be time to build some.

     Too often, people think setting boundaries is mean, harsh, or unchristian. Many will tell you that you are selfish if you set boundaries. But the truth is, boundaries are about loving yourself enough to create healthy relationships, not about shutting people out. They help you navigate life with confidence and clarity, ensuring that you give from a place of abundance, not exhaustion. You want to be able to serve people willingly, not grudgingly and resentfully. 

So, What Are Boundaries?

     Boundaries are your personal little "no trespassing" signs, and they come in many forms: mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual. They define what is okay with you, what you are choosing to allow, and what is absolutely not okay in your relationships. Some boundaries are a clear no-go around the table for all of us: getting slapped or hit is an absolute no, getting called vulgar names does not fly from a man or a friend, just like getting cheated on is grounds for termination of a relationship. But not all boundaries are obvious.

     Let's break it down:

• Physical Boundaries - are there some people that make you uncomfortable when they reach out for a hug? Don't hug them. You get to decide who gets access to your personal space. Who cares if it's an uncle and you're going to get called a sangrona for not hugging up, you don't need to do it. 
• Emotional Boundaries - Sometimes it can be as simple as everyone going to you to vent, leaving you feeling exhausted. However, there may be times where you find yourself worrying about why someone is mad, why they replied with a different tone, why they seem distant all of a sudden, or you find yourself feeling responsible for solving their problems - if that sounds like you, then you may be missing a boundary in that area. 
• Mental Boundaries - Do you get pulled into every toxic conversation as if you were a gossip columnist? Are you the person people go to when they want to talk badly about someone else because they know you will encourage it or sit and listen, yet feel drained at the end of the conversation? You are missing a boundary to protect your peace. 
• Spiritual Boundaries - Do you stand firm on your faith or do you let others insult what you believe? 

     Without boundaries, life feels like one long, exhausting episode of Survivor, where you’re constantly defending yourself from manipulative alliances (aka, toxic people), where your resources are depleting with no recollection of where they've gone. With boundaries? You’re the host of your own show, handing out “access passes” only to those who respect your space.

Boundaries = Self-Respect

     Here’s the deal: boundaries aren’t about pushing people away; they’re about loving yourself enough to say, “Hey, I matter too.” When you set clear limits, you’re not being mean or selfish—you’re teaching others how to value and respect you. It identifies where YOU end as a person and where the other person individually begins. And if they don’t like it? Well, that says more about them than it does about you. You are okay to walk away from people who do not respect your boundaries. The one's who respect your boundaries honor and respect you!

     Think about it this way—when you respect yourself, others learn to respect you too. But if you’re constantly bending over backward to keep people happy at the expense of your own well-being, you’re teaching them that your needs don’t matter. And that, my friend, is not the life God wants for you.

     Even Jesus set boundaries! He walked away from toxic situations, took time to rest, called people out on their BS, and didn’t allow others to derail His mission. If He could set limits, so can you.

The Mom Who Found Peace

     Today, I'm going to talk to you about one of my clients. We'll call her Ana. Ana just got divorced and was having to learn to co-parent with an ex-husband who didn't respect her boundaries. Quite frankly, he didn't care about anyone but himself. Every conversation left her emotionally drained, frustrated, and one bad text away from setting his contact name to “Spam Risk.”

     He was always manipulating her words, throwing previous arguments in her face, and amplifying and accusing her with any complaint the kids had. It got so bad that on the weekend's the kids were with him, he would use their phones to text her to know her location or if the kids were with her, he'd ask the kids where they were at and he would randomly show up with gifts for her or the kids. She was constantly walking on eggshells not knowing which next move might be the wrong move. 

     Then, we discussed something that was completely foreign to her. Setting boundaries! The initial thought for her was fear. She had never had anything like boundaries with him, she thought it was too mean and that her kids might think she was being too mean to their dad. 

• She stopped engaging in necessary conversations unless it had to do with the logistics of the kids, their health, or their education. 
• Explained to the kids that while they were with their dad she would only respond to phone calls and not their texts. 
• She refused to respond to manipulative texts
• Started using a parenting app (or group texts) that included the older children so everyone could be on the same page about what was said and what was understood. (Her oldest was 17 so this helped a lot)

     The result so far? Freedom. Peace. An ability to enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning without a side of anxiety. By her setting the above boundaries and refusing to engage in his manipulative tactics, he was no longer fueled by her responses. Over time, he has had no choice but to adjust to her new boundaries because she was no longer playing by his rules. It wasn’t easy, but she realized something powerful—boundaries weren’t about controlling him; they were about protecting herself. In another week, we will get into what fuels a narcissist, that's not for this blog. 

Time To Set Boundaries Too!

     If you’re tired of feeling walked over, drained, or disrespected, it’s time to take control. Boundaries are your birthright, your protection, and your permission slip to live in peace.

     And guess what? I’ve got just the thing to help!

     My book, Setting Boundaries with Faith & Love, is packed with:
💛 Practical strategies to set and maintain boundaries.
💛 Biblical wisdom to guide your heart and strengthen your faith.
💛 Encouragement to stand firm, stay kind, and reclaim your peace.

✨ Pre-order now on Amazon! → Setting Boundaries With Faith & Love

Remember: Boundaries aren’t walls to keep love out—they’re gates that only let the right kind of love in.